Said an old taxidermist in Burrell, 
               As he skillfully mounted a squirrel, 
                    "This excess of tail is 
                    Obstructive to phallus; 
               One's much better off with a girl." 

            Said my wife as she stood on a rostrum, 
            "I don't mind if I don't have colostrum, 
                But I'll take an option 
                If your child's for adoption--- 
            Though I cannot bear kids, I can foster 'em." 

(To the tune of 'Yesterday')

Leprocy, bits and pieces falling off of me,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Oh I contracted Leprocy.

On May Day the girls of Penzance, 
               Being bored by the lack of romance, 
                    Joined the workers' parade 
                    With this banner displayed: 
               "What the Pants of Penzance Need is Ants." 
                                                 

A cautious young fellow named Tunney 
               Had a whang that was worth any money. 
                    When eased in half-way, 
                    The girl's sigh made him say, 
               "Why the sigh?" "For the rest of it, honey."