Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was
   placed in the local paper.
   
   Only two applicants showed up: a male and a female.
   
   The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would
   choose the one with the best act.
   
   At first glance it appeared that the female was much better prepared,
   since she came to the interview in a very long flowing cape, with a
   whip & chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer.
   
   The man's only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed
   between his cracked and leathery lips.
   
   The owner asked who would like to go first, and the man said, "Ladies
   before Gentleman."
   
   So the lady asked for her special music to be played, and once the
   music started she entered the cage with a flurry of whip snapping. She
   motioned the attendant to release the tiger.
   
   The tiger leaped into the cage snarling. The young lady threw aside
   her whip, tossed back her cape and sat on the chair as naked as the
   day she was born.
   
   The tiger then circled her, sniffing the air,... then suddenly leaped
   toward her, put its face between her legs and started licking. She
   threw back her head moaning, holding the tiger by the ears with her
   thighs. She rode on the tiger's face all around the cage.
   
   Then the owner looked at the man and said, "That's quite an act,...
   Think you can do better than that?"
   
   The man spit out his cigar, licked his lips and said, "No problem,
   just get that tiger out of the cage!
   

   Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one
   day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and
   said, "Johnny. This is where you come from."
   
   Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his
   friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."
   
   "Why?" one asked.
   
   Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this
   close to being a turd."
   

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites
off my roosters feet, what do you have? 

    Two feet of my cock in your ass. 

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man 
away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would
have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting
mannerism. He kept winking.
"Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references
and experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all the
time, it might put our customers off."
"No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of
it is to take a couple of aspirins."
So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to
see dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty
varieties and every known brand of standard condom.
"Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking
stopped at once.
"Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be
womanising all over his territory."
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married."
"Then how do you account for all of these things?"
"Simple, Did you ever go into a chemist winking all the time and ask for
a packet of aspirins?"