Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl 
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his 
rubber broke.
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the 
last little piece of it out with dental floss."

   We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly
   inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a
   dog.

One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the
same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won't
recognize your voices is always a good choice.  When the person
answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that
sounds real). Insist that you have the right number and even read
their number to them. Have a bit of fun here, and stretch this on as
long as possible.  Repeat several times, once or twice an hour. Let
everybody have a turn at calling. Just as the party is breaking up,
call one last time.  Tell the poor soul answering the phone that you
are John Smith, and ask "Are there any messages for me?"  This is sure
to get a groan.

A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered 
that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a 
hysterectomy, but she had also castrated her husband, circumcised her 
lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given a vicar a 
hair lip.

And, there were still 5 shaves left!

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep? 

     A pimp