A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher 
asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, 
"Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell 
before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, 
"Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." 

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."  

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.
One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,
"Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in 
amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"
"I hiccupped."

On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword 
puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and 
said,
"What's a four -letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"?
The bishop said,
"Did you try "aunt"?
The Pope said,
"Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?" 

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

John pulled over the car by the side of the road and 
showed Brian where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree.  I remember the day 
plainly.  It was a warm summer day.  She and I were so much 
in love.  We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,"
"That sounds wonderful," said Brian.
"Yes.  It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was 
standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God!!!  What did her mother say when she saw you
making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaaaa."