Q: What did Michael Jackson say when his cock slid
   in the little boys arse?
A: There is a great musician in you.

   Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One
   felt guilty and decided
   he should stop at the church and confess.
   He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have
   sinned. I have
   committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me."
   The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was."
   The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant
   him forgiveness
   unless he did.
   "Was it Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father."
   "No."
   "Was it Rosie Kelly?"
   "No."
   "Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?"
   "No."
   "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven."
   When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you
   find forgiveness."
   "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
   

How do you break a blonde's nose?

Place a dildo under a glass table!

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously
knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was
as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. 
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you
play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful
tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you
make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." 
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling
over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.
Just then Paul's date walked out. 

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" 
"To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a little
depressed to me." 

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went
though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher
and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an
airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the
news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what
happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door
and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out
of the plane!" Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet.
Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw
them out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. 
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man
left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He
told be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt." "So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto 
the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The
Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds.
He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?´ I said, `No, sir.
I´m too scared.´ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took
his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around
as a baseball bat! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or
I´m sticking this little baby up your ass.´" "So, did you jump?"
asked the father. 
"Well, a little, at first.