Is Windows a Virus?



No, Windows is not a virus.  Here's what viruses (viri?) do:

1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
   as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,
   Windows does that, too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
   programs and systems.  Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too
   slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.  Yup, that's with
   Windows, too.

   Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
   differences:  Viruses are well supported by their authors, are
   running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and
   efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they
   mature.

So, Windows is *not* a virus.

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a 
substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of 
the bottle."

A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the 
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, 
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the 
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. 
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. 
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They 
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive 
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, 
killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no 
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! 

Do you know why it's called sex?

Because it's easier to spell than 
Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!