A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says,
"Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass."

The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,
"You know, you're right!" 

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive 
imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you 
wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"

"No," her husband replied.
"Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

Age       Sport
        17         sex
        25         sex
        35         sex
        48         sex
        66         napping

   One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the
   road when they
   saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them.
   One of the men
   turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night
   with her." To their
   surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll
   take you up on
   that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his
   companion 'good
   night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight
   to bed. The following
   morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her
   money."If you
   don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed,
   saying, "I'd like to see
   you get it on those grounds!" The next day,he was surprised to receive
   a summons
   ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed
   to his atorney and
   explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't
   possibly get a judgment
   against you on such grounds, but it would interesting to see how her
   case will be
   presented." After the usual preliminaries, her lawyer addressed the
   court as follows:-
   Your honor, my client this lady here is the owner of a fine piece of
   property, a garden spot
   surrounded by a profuse of luscious shrubbery, which she agreed to
   rent to the Defendant
   for a specified length of time, for an agreed upon sum of $50. The
   Defendant took
   possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for
   which it was rented, but
   upon evacuation of the premises he paid only $25; half the agreed
   amount. The rent was by
   no means excessive, even though it was restricted property, and we ask
   Judgment be
   granted against Defendant to ensure payment of the balance.The
   Defendant's lawyer was
   impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented the case.
   His defense was,
   therefore, somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to
   present it.
   Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of
   property,that he did rent
   such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from
   the transaction.
   However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed
   his stones,
   erected a pump, and sunk a shaft, all labor being performed by him
   personally. We claim
   these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the
   unpaid amount and that the
   plaintiff was more than adequately satisfied and compensated for the
   rental of the said
   property. We therefore ask Judgment not be granted.
   The young lady's lawyer's comeback was this:- Your Honor, my client
   agrees that the
   Defendant did find a well on her property and that he did make
   improvements such as my
   opponent has described. However had the Defendant not known the well
   existed, he would
   not have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the
   Defendant removed
   his stones, pulled out his shaft and took the pump with him. In so
   doing, he not only
   dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, leaving my client to do
   the cleaning up, but
   he left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, thus
   making it very easily
   accessible to little children. We therefore ask that Judgment be
   granted.
   SHE GOT IT!
   

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman
was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. 
"I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision,"
he announced, standing up to leave ... 
"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the
morning, let me know what you think."