A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would 
like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." 
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" 
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?" 

   So you don't know Jack Schitt
   He's the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt.
   Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of
   the Kneedeep Schitt
   Inn. Jack Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next
   came twin sons, Deep
   Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
   and another son,
   Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
   Dip Schitt married
   Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and
   Giva Schitt, married the
   Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd
   Schitt and Horace
   Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spice number, Pisa Schitt, and they
   are awaiting the
   arrival of Baby Schitt. So now you know Jack Schitt.
   

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman 
couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the 
room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at 
her. 

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a 
. . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me 
you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind 
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, 
decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A 
certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the 
door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.  Then 
they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to 
eat.  The owner became quite concerned and marched over and 
told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders 
and then exchanged sandwiches.

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was 
down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. 
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."