I work for an internet provider, as tech support.
So I get all the goofy calls... One day, an older
lady called the service obviously knowing nothing
about computers. 
She said that we (the Internet company) had given
her a virus. I asked her how that was possible. 
She told me that her computer wouldn't go on. I
asked her if she had pushed the power button.... 
She said yes that she had pushed the button twice
and it still didn't go on. 

(I had to call everyone and tell them)

Amazingly, the woman who brought charges against Marv Albert has
announced that she wants to be sportscaster. 

NBC gave her an audition but she sucked. 

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable
beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable
that lots of women wear nothing else.