Alan tells me about his son and his son's new under-
wear with superheroes on it.  One morning he comes running
into the bedroom, grabs the front of his pants and annouces
proudly, "Ive got Superman in my pants, Daddy.  What have
you got in yours?"  Before checking, I turned to my wife,
"Well, how should I answer him?"  She was too busy laughing.

In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of 
the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have 
a baby, they got the consent of the King and the King gave them placard 
that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had 
F. U. C. K. on it (Fornication Under Consent of the King).

My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first 
mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet 
doors was ajar.I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why 
she was  keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the 
kitchen??? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me 
that those were for special occasions".

Now fast forward a few months...

It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and 
his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were 
gone.
Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first 
and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then 
began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came 
mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on 
the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork 
carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they 
didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the 
other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they were 
for special occasions!"