Super Granny - Defender Of Justice

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

In Melbourne (Australia) one of the radio stations paid money, $100 to
$500, for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This morning's
one netted the proud owner $300.

As the lady said...I was due later that week for an appointment with the
gynecologist, when early one morning I received a call from his office 
that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only 
just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 
already. The trip to his office usually took about thirty five minutes, so 
I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do I'm sure, I like to take 
a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time 
I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, 
threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in 
"that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I 
was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some 
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the 
waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the 
procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over 
at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other 
place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he 
said, "My... we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't 
we?", but I didn't respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of 
relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, 
cleaning, the evening meal, etc. At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old 
daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the 
bathroom, "Mom - where's my washcloth?" I called back for her to get 
another from the cabinet. She called back, "No - I need the one that was 
here by the sink - It had all my glitter and sparkles in it".

Sign in a Japanese hotel: 

    You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.