"As you requested, here is a schedule of all future unplanned network outages.
 I took the initiative to include a schedule of all future sick days, volcanic
 eruptions, earthquakes and hurricanes."
                        -- Dilbert

I like long walks, especially when they are 
taken by people who annoy me.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' 
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " 

Charlie Brown. 

It's like an alcatraz around my neck. 

    - Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces 

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and
all the impersonators would be dead."

                             - Johnny Carson