"Descended from the apes?
Let us hope that it is not true.
But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known." 

FA Montagu.

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." 

              - Gloria Steinem

Seen on a bumper sticker...

    Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot! 

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the
   second day you're off it.
         Jackie Gleason

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I
       woke up the pillow was gone." -- Tommy Cooper