The plane was so fast that it took off from Los Angeles with
two rabbits and landed in New York with two rabbits. 

     -Joey Adams 

Guns don't kill people, husbands who come
                home early kill people."
        
                                         --  Jimmy Kimmel

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

After seeing how Disney is doing financially,
I was wondering if I could get the Southern Baptists
to boycott my company.

"No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great
 programs that other people have written.  In my case, I went to the garbage
 cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their
 operating system."
                        -- Bill Gates