Q. Flaccus in his third liber: 
               "The Romans have no wood-pulp fiber. 
                    A crapulent quorum 
                    Will squat in the Forum 
               And heave dirty stones in the Tiber." 

                    The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
                                      
               (Sing to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
     
   
Here's a little story of a man named John
a poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone).
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife.
She lopped of his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
        (Penis that is)
        (Rodeoed. Fillet-io-ed)

Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
and Lorena's in the car takin Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
so she tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
        (Curve that is)
        (Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air.
        (Found that is)
        (By a fence, evidence)

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dick-doc said "Hey! I can fix your dong."
"A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need."
Then the world held it's breath 'till they heard that Johnny peed.
        (Wizzed that is)
        (Stitched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape!
        (Video that is)
        (Unexposed, case closed)
  

There was a young whore whose de-light
        Was to lure all the men of the night.
        She'd en-trap them with bets,
        Then ad-mi-re their pecks
        And then stare at the ceil-ing all night.

Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs, 
Then slip in between, 
If you know what I mean, 
And leave me the white of their eggs." 

               There once was a boring young Reverend 
               Who preached till it seemed he would never end. 
                    His hearers, en masse, 
                    Got a pain in the ass, 
               And prayed--- for relief of their nether end.