Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the
middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and 
grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. 
After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and 
water.  On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst 
and  starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in 
the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an 
oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. "POOF" out popped a tired old
genie who said "ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, 
yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long 
time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE 
wish and then  I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one". The first guy, 
without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we 
can drink for the rest of our lives!!!" "Fine" said the genie, and he 
instantly turned the  entire ocean into beer.
"Great move Einstein!" said the second guy, slapping the first guy 
in the head. "NOW we're gonna have to piss in the BOAT!"

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a 
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She 
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person 
looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!

A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a 
large knob of salami.
"Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely.
"What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a money box!"

The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" 
scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the 
classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now 
we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our 
eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on 
the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the 
children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very 
slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their 
eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But 
below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes 
again!"