A hunchback is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.
He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you all get lost! I haven't got 
your bloody ball!"

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his
girlfriend at Oxford?

I did not have textual relations with that woman.

How to Hunt Elephants -- VP Style

When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his
staff will try to ensure that  all elephants are completely
prehunted before he sees them.  If the VP sees a
nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the
vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to
prevent any recurrence.

Sent by Alex

   I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost
   always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've
   heard men refer to their "performance". Well, even these days I don't
   have a lot of trouble with that.
   
   But... since I'm now past fifty, the "encores" are getting tuffer and
   tuffer.

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" 

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" 

"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."