A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an 
anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock 
them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this 
store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who 
explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man 
explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago
and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to 
bring in his last purchase and he will try  to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows 
the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the 
customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously 
of the underarm stick variety.

The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push 
up bottom to use."

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for 
women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the 
bottle."

   In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
   a man's penis was
   larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
   that the reason the
   head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
   during sex.
   After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
   decided to do their own
   study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
   the reason was to
   give the woman more pleasure during sex.
   The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
   their own study.
   After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
   to keep a man's
   hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
   

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather... kinky is using the whole chicken.

"Jim will not be in today.  He is not feeling himself.  Thank you."

THIS MEANS:

1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.
2. He is not in complete control of his hands.
3. His emotions are shattered.
4. His skin is numb.
5. He has transofrmed into an alter-ego (i.e. professional wrestler)
6. He is not feeling himself, in a biblical sense.
7. He has been covered in saran-wrap.
8. He is in an isolation tank.
9. He wanted to take a day off but couldn't come up with an actual illness
   to fake.
10. He is feeling others.

:) by Jennifer Schmidt and Nick Gass
JenSch@aol.com