A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, 
in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and 
spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, "What's the 
matter?" He says, "Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it 
looks like it can't wait to eat me."

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home 
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the 
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday 
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, 
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." 

Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we 
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane 
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with 
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he 
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of 
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on 
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". 
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's
been drinking."

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? 

    -Sends him to work.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

An escaped serial killer!

What's a definition of a gynecologist?

Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most
people find pleasure