"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little 
boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. 
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me 
to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I 
had to force him, but he ate it!"

   A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that
   they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert
   himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we
   wouldn't be here at all!"
   
   The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only
   would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would
   there be any "we" in the first place."

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? 

Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do. 

A guy rings work and says "I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick"
The voice at the other end asks "How sick are you ??"
The guy says "Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!"

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?

Elvis has been sighted.