At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched
out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified
handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where
they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent
white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and
waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all
was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and
dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the
most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence,
and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their
best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was
a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing
situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my
regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a
Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please
don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said
something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation:
"Listen honey, why don't we have a few drinks, dinner, go to my apartment 
and really make love?"
Ex-: "Over my dead body!"
Husband: "You haven't changed a bit" 

Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup
with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into
the room.
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her!
I'd recognize her anywhere!" 

Question: What is every Amish
      woman's private fantasy?

       Answer: Two Mennonite!

A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says..... 

     "Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?" 

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks.... 

     "When your mommy goes to the mall!"