It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. 
The judge was about to make his decision he said 'Im sorry mickey, I cant 
grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth"

Mickey retorted " I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY!!

Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
 ---------------------------------

 It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man
 volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is
 put into motion.

 (1) The woman goes to the store.
 (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
 (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on
     a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it
     to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
 (4) The man places the meat on the grill.
 (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check
     the vegetables.
 (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
     burning.
 (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
     woman.
 (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the
     table.
 (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
     dishes.
 (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night
     off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
     there's just no pleasing some women.

Why do farts smell? 

                    So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much
better since his operation, but couldn't account for the
enormous bump on the back of his head.
"Oh, that," chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. "Just before your
operation they suddenly ran out of ether!"