A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He
puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his
mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard

on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the
living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him
on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy
goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She
slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says
"Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head
and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes
and I already hate you black people".

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know 
who's-a George Washington?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"

He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-
a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a 
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."

A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. 
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a 
the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a 
United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."

A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you 
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"

He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"

The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while 
you're in night school."

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.
The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"
The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"
The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.
Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"
A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."
"Well, what the hell happened to me?"
"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"
The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep." 
The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"
"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!" 

Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love


Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and
after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department
store and bought a pair of white gloves.  The sister purchased a pair
of panties for herself.  During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.
(The sweetheart got the panties.)  Without checking the contents, Jim
sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note.

Dearest Darling,

This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas.
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening.  If it had not been for your younger
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears
the short ones that are easy to remove.  These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three
weeks and they were hardly soiled.  I had the sales girl try them on and
she really looked smart.  I wish I could put them on you the first time.
No doubt, other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have
the chance to see you again.  When you take them off blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink.  I hope
you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night.
                
                                           All My Love,
                                           Jimmy

P.S.  Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
      Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the
      latest style - folded down with the fur showing.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...