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Condom Modelling Rejection



                    TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY

                  6969 Slippery Root Drive
                    Droptrouser, NC 22269


Dear John Doe,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model 
and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors 
feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray 
a positive, romantic image for our product.  A loose baggy and wrinkled 
condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even 
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken.  We would like 
to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a 
bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time.  We will retain your 
application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a 
market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.


Yours very truly,

Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

VD/abc

P.S. Remember our slogans:

Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!

Two men were walking along the street when they came
upon a dog licking his dick.

One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." 

The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going
to have to pet him first."

A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can
see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

   One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go
   home and think of a story to tell, and then conclude the moral of that
   story.
   
   The following day when the teacher asks for the first volunteer to
   tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
   
   "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
   truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
   we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
   road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
   "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
   
   Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
   take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
   8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the
   story. Lucy replies, "Don't count your chickens before they're
   hatched."
   
   Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his
   plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it
   crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the
   way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in
   the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine
   gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed
   20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten
   with his bare hands."
   
   Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
   moral to his story.
   
   Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."