What's so great about being a dick ?
   1) You've got a head with no brains.
   2) Two nuts follow you around all day.
   3) Your neighbor is an asshole.
   4) Your best friend is a cunt !
   

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no 
arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a 
head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all 
in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with 
no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the 
bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can 
still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he 
decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and 
places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head 
starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three 
years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two 
minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap 
on me!"

He said - Since I first laid eyes on  you, I've wanted to make love 
to you really badly.

She said - Well, you  succeeded. 

Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet,
having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get
to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything
dirty with a "W" so she calls on him.
"Womb!", Little Johnny says.
"That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in where babies
come from?" she asks.
"No", says Johnny, "That's the sound elephants make when they're
screwing... you know, "Womb! Womb! Womb!" 

As a man ages, it is natural that his hair starts thinning.

It is a well-known fact that when a man is bald at the front
of his head, it’s because he’s a great thinker.

Also, when a man is bald at the back of his head, it’s
because he’s sexy.

Unfortunately, when a man is bald both front and back, he
only thinks he’s sexy...


Sent by Buddy