The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:

An empty greyhound.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 U.S. leader 

Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know
where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts
his arm out the plane, then brings it back in  and says
"We're just over Paris"
"How do you know" ask the others
"Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower."
Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London"
"How?" asks the others
"Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"
Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the
plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow."
"How do you know that?" comes the reply.
"Because some bastard has just stolen my watch"

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see
a small boy eating an ice cream. 

The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?" 

To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?" 

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "