While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her 
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told 
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. 
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as 
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening 
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were 
doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.

"I am a Paramedic, recently I was called to 
a scene where a man in his late 60s had died and obviously 
been there a couple of days. We searched for any sign of 
trauma.... None. We looked for anything that might indicate a 
medical problem... heart meds etc..... None. The only medicine 
we found: Viagra. About that time the coroner arrived (a 
strikingly pretty gal) who asked me, "How long has he been 
dead?" I replied a couple of days, she said, "Oh so he is stiff 
then?" I handed her the Viagra bottle and said, "In more ways 
than one..."

Heard from a tourbus driver in Washington DC earlier today: 
 
        Had you heard that Socks the Cat died last night?
 
        Yeah, he climbed into bed between Bill and Hillary 
        and froze to death.