Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:

     "If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion bucks." 

Mu boyfriend's sister had come home earlier than normal
from a basketball game and the aunt asked,
"Why?  Did the game get rained out?"

Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person
from a long distance company. They asked for my late father
by name.
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the situation
changes?"