On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, 
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next 
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to 
complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the 
attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I 
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me 
another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The 
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or 
first class".

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man 
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding 
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with 
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help 
but look at the people around her with a smug and 
self-satisfied grin.

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've 
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. 
However, we do have one seat in first class".

Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess 
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of 
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission 
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt 
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit 
next such an obnoxious person."

With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd 
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."

At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a 
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the 
plane . . .

Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
        It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults".  Like many things that used to be thought, this is true.  In
fact, now more than ever.  Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing.  They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint.  Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
        
             --P.J. O'Rouke

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
(Tom, 7)

"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love."
(Roger, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you
never take out the trash."  (Randy, 8)