There was a young gal from Montana
Who had an affair with a banana.
She hugged it and squeezed it,
Loved it and teased it, and said
"It tastes better than a mana." 

The Dr. Seuss Purity Test



             Have you done it on a boat?
             Have you done it with a goat?


             Have you done it in a bed?
             Have you done it with the dead?


             Have you done it in the ass?
             Have you done it, high on grass?


             Have you done it in the car?
             Have you simply gone too far?


             Have you done it on the beach?
             Have you done it with the teach?


             Have you done it on your back?
             Have you done it strapped to a rack?


             Have you done it in a box?
             Have you done it with a fox?


             Have you done it in a tree?
             Have you done it with more than three?


             Have you done it in the rain?
             Have you done it for the pain?


             Have you done it 'tween the tits?
             Have you done it wearing mitts?


             Have you done it packed in rubber?
             Have you done it undercover?


             Have you done it on a perch?
             Have you done it in a church?


             Have you done it with a virgin?
             Have you done it with a sturgeon?


             Have you done it with ropes and chains?
             Have you done it while insane?


             Have you done it on the stage?
             Have you done it underage?


             Have you done it with all your friends?
             Have you done it in both ends?


             Have you done it with your dog?
             Have you done it on a log?


             Have you done it under clamps?
             Have you done it with the lamps?


             Have you done it without style?
             Have you done it up a mile?


             Have you done it for all to see?
             Have you ever had VD?


             Have you done it on Mother's couch?
             Have you done it in your mouth?


             Have you done it while on tape?
             Have you done it out of shape?


             Have you done it on live TV?
             Have you done it whilst you pee?


             Have you done it in the gym?
             Have you done it on a whim?


             Have you done it on a dare?
             Do you really think we care?


             Answer these and count your "no"s,
             pray this number never grows.
             Fifty questions we asked thee,
             score times two is thy Purity.

There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
    There was never a sound
    For miles around
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.

               There was a young man of Manhasset 
               Whose life seemed excessively placid. 
                    One day, just for fun, 
                    He raped an old nun, 
               And filled up her crevice with acid. 

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.