A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next
   to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
   notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
   about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
   statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest
   average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the
   way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
   Kowalski, nice to meet you."

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes. 

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the
problem, Carol?  I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is."  replied Carol.  "I was stupid and made my
homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the
teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it
in."
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see,
the plane was hijacked."

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a
neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed
at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey,
if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable
for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much
was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a
check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:
"Legal Consultation Service: $150."

A girl called the police department and reported that she had been 
assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this 
happen?" She replied, "Last week." The police then asked, "Why did you 
wait until now to report it?" Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was 
assaulted until the check bounced."