Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle East



AKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN
    Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
 
FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR
    I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
    with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
 
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE
    I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
 
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST
    It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk
    of your car.
 
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN
    If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will
    gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
 
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN
    The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency.
 
TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM
    The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must
    have the recipe.
 
  Regards,
  MPAGE@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca
  BCSC / DNS

   The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his
   wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me
   when you have an orgasm ?"
   
   She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home !"

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he
arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way
with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman
in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the
door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom
where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He
said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea." 

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.
They were discussing the fact that if they go
for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,
but if they take the cigarettes with them, they
will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl
walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top
of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry
cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The
ladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keep
your cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them inside
of a condom."
     The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a
condom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one of
the ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."

Q: Why don't women fart?
A: They don't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure!