On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing
   out some of the rules:
   "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
   the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
   this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
   He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will
   be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.
   Are there any questions?"
   At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a
   season pass?"

Age        HOUSE PET

        17         Muffy the cat
        25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
        35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
        48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
        66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs
                    Muffy the Cat

There were two guys walking down the street
and they saw a dog licking his nuts.
One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".
Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"! 

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish 
and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned 
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach 
notice a mermaid sitting on a rock.  The Englishman 
approaches her and says 'Have you ever been kissed?' No 
says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a 
while the Scotchman approaches her and says 'Have you ever 
been fondled?'. She says no and he fondles her, much to her 
delight.  After onother while the irishman approaces her 
and asks 'Have you ever been fucked?.  she says no. 'Well 
you are fucked now because the tide's gone out.