New scientific theories

3rd RunnerUp-  Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means
the Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicate
their ideas at a faster rate.

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to
her old country but she was broke.

One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker
getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. 
"Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded.
"If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way
across the ocean."

Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag
and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was
hidden he said, "When I bring you some food, twice a day,
I'll collect." And being true to her word she agreed.

This went on for about a week when by accident the captain
found her.

"Please don't get angry," she started to say and explained the
story to the captain who busted up laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" she demanded.

He said, "Because you're on the Statten Island Ferry." 

When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?

When he's hanging by his teeth.

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?

A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting
   "Lie lie lie!"

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter
from his mother asking him to send her a current photo
of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let
her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a
photo in half and sends her the top part. 
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
photo. 
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the
wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's
eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.  A few weeks
later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it
makes your nose look short!"