What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania.  As they are stopped at a traffic light, out
of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car
and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we
do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on.  That will get rid of the
abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the
mini-Dracula around.  But, he hangs on and continues hissing
at the nuns.  "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer.  I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer.  The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on
and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes.  She then
opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"

A son comes to his dad and says:
- Dad, i gotta tell you something
- Ok, Quick and clear!
- 100 bucks

A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder...the
bartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing?
The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, there's millions of them " !!!!

   Little Johnny was in class again.Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone
   tell me a sentence
   with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand."The sky is
   definitely blue." "Thats
   not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red."
   Young Sally tried :"The
   grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or
   brown too!"
   Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up."Miss Brown does a fart have
   lumps?" The
   teacher was horrified."No of course not Johnny! What are you talking
   about?" So Johnny
   says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"