Camel Died
   A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few
   days the camel falls
   over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither
   one of them will
   survive the rest of the journey.
   The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at
   this point it probably
   wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows
   him her breasts.
   "May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments
   sincerely how
   wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a
   man's penis before,
   could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers.
   "May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a
   huge erection. The
   priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can
   give life!" "Is that
   right" the nun replies?
   "Yes," says the priest.
   So the nun said: "Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and
   lets get the hell out of
   here!"
   

What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common? 

They are four ways you can lose your house!  

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes 
in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards."  So 
he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally 
rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, 
drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor 
Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.
The big day arrives.  Martin James Roget arrives at the country club for
his interview.
   "Tea?" the interviewer asks.
   "Earl Grey, hot please."
   "Hobbies?"
   "Polo, racket ball, hunting."
   "Religion?"
   "Goy."

   A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
   
   "What happened to you?" asked his wife.
   
   "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an
   escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt
   was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned
   around and punched me in the eye!"
   
   "I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get
   the second black eye?"
   
   "Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I
   pushed it back in."
   

Age        Succesful Date
        
        17         "tongue"
        25         "breakfast"
        35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
        48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
        66         "Got home alive."