Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? 

Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood.... 

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies 
realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth 
control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her 
prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. 
"I've got people waiting in my car!" 

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as
her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend
Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the
one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."

"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one
who poisoned you." 

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field
assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls
everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered
"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro."

The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs
everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I
going to be a professional baseball player."

The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things,
until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the
middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut
on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about
the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?"

"They're never going to let me out of here," the patient
said "I'm f**king nuts!" 

A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.

"Where is God?"

The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.

"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"

"He is everywhere,"  

"Very good that’s right."

But still there were two children that didn’t put their hands down,
so the teacher continued.

"Okay, Michael, Where is God?"

"God is inside me."

"Very good that’s right."

Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand. 
He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.

"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"

"He’s in our bathroom."

Well the teacher just had to ask,  "How do you know he’s in the bathroom?"

The answer came, "Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says,
‘My God are you still in there?’ "