Henry Abel's son, David, burst into the house, crying like everything.
His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he 
hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line 
busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, David," his mother said, "a 
big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You 
should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama." 

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street.

   
   A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
   having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The
   next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful
   redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband
   jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
   Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're
   next!"

These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm
   asks the
   other...Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???
   Sperm #2 says "Naaaa
   this is still the esophagus".
   

Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are
very hard pressed.