A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her
   husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband
   to be buried in a dark blue suit.
   
   He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit
   that he's wearing?"
   
   But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank
   check to buy one.
   
   When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
   and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
   much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
   
   He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing
   happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one
   wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and
   asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in
   a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the
   heads."
   

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

Psychiatric Hotline



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
   Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
   you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
   one will answer.

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style

Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on
the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but
with deeper voices.
 
Sent by Alex

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...