What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
                    He wanted to know who the other man was... 

What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

The boy asks his dad:
"What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?"

The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a
crotch and says: "Everything inside the circle is a 'pussy',
everything outside the circle is a 'cunt'" 

A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him 
"How far from the accident were you when it happened?"
He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches"
"Nonsence how can you be so precise"
"Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it."

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend
"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy
a horse, I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or
female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" 
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse s mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
"Ok, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one
more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I d like to see her twat," said the midget.
With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up
the horse's twat, then pulled him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase.
I'd like to see her run!"