Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday.  While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo)  with a
group of thespians from St.  Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the 
effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"  ...  the hard way.

Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, 
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby.  However, once it became aware of its being 
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the 
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.

"Sally (the rhino)  hasn't been feeling well lately.  She had been very
constipated.  We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to 
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,"  said James 
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, 
and a number of small animals escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three 
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death.  As for Demuth, it took a 
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from 
the rhino's buttocks.

First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down.  However, during 
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly 
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.

"It was tricky.  We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield 
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.  I guess you could say that 
Demuth was into it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to 
keep an air passage open for Mr.  Demuth.  We were able to tranquilize her 
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear,"  said Douglass.  
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive.  "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo,"  commented Vladimir Zolnikov, 
leader of the troupe.

The president turned back to his own role in history.
He told the audience that he saw a list of the top 100 news
stories of the century compiled by the Newseum, a journalism-
oriented museum ... across the Potomac in Virginia, and noticed
that "something about the events of the past year" [was] on it.

Clinton, smiling, revealed his number on the list: No. 53.

"No. 53! I mean, what does a guy have to do to make the top 50?
I came in six places after the invention of plastic, for crying
outloud. And I don't recall a year of 24-hour-a-day saturation
on the miracle of plastic."

               --Associated Press Report
                  on 85th White House Correspondents
                   Association Dinner
                    2 May 1999

I am a limo driver and this Judi once, was totally impressed
with the  bar, the interior lights, the mirrored ceiling --
everything in the stretch-limo.  Then she noticed the TV. 
There was a show  she really wanted to see that evening and
asked me in all  seriousness: 'the TV *does* get cable, right?'