IDIOTS AT WORK

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card.  She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed.  When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.

I started a new job the other day, and while riding the elevator,
noticed a sign which read (THIS IS NOT MADE-UP):

        "If elevator should malfunction or doors not open, 
        don't be alarmed.  Please press the alarm button."

Is it just me, or does anybody else find this outrageously funny?

There's a new church that opened recently in Southern California. It's 
called "The Church of the Divine Helping". 

Communion is an all-you-can-eat affair. They focus on prayer breakfasts, 
community brunches, business outreach lunches, ladies teas, and (of 
course) potluck dinners. The church's motto: 

"God helps those who help themselves."