Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
   anyone going faster than you is a moron.
         George Carlin

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second 
day you're off it. 

                                           - Jackie Gleason

"Only Lawyers and mental defectives are
automatically exempt for jury duty." 

                                            -- George Bernard Shaw

"... this bit here says 'I don't think we're in UNIX anymore Toto'..."
                        -- me

"When life hands you a lemon, say 'Oh yeah, I _like_ lemons, what else
 ya got??'"
                        -- Henry Rollins