"It's Benno with a black coat, dark hair and a hairy bit."
"No, this is a hairy bit."
"What about this hairy bit?"
"No, this is a stiff hairy bit."
                        -- Karen (talking about my facial hair),
                           Andrew (talking about Karen's hair),
                           me (being rude),
                           Karen (not thinking about what she's saying)

"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender."
                        -- Unknown

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm
divorced so they won't think something is
wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler

* Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
       think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
         1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
         2. Advising the President.
         3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
       --David Letterman

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear.

     - Lazarus Long