"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think
of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

                                           - Roseanne

He's so vain every time he masturbates 
he dedicates it to a different girl

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
                                      - - - Cynthia Heimel

I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.