There was once a prostitute named Sue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
If they pay to get in
And they'll pay to get out too.

Said a lesbian lady, "It's sad; 
               Of all of the girls that I've had, 
                    None gave me the thrill 
                    Of real rapture until 
               I learned how to be a tribade." 

               There once was a midwife of Gaul 
               Who had hardly no business at all. 
                    She cried, "Hell and damnation! 
                    There's no procreation--- 
               God made the French penis too small."

There once was a monk from Siberia
Whose manners were rather inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a Mother Superior

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
   Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
   Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
   Or shall I be forced to use my finger.