There was a young lady from Slough 
            Who said that she didn't know how. 
                Then a young fellow caught her 
                And jolly well taught her; 
            She lodges in Pimlico now. 

A virgin felt urged in Toulouse 
               Till she thought she would try sef-abuse. 
                    In search of a hard on 
                    She ran out in the garden, 
               And was had by a statue of Zeus. 

There was a young lady from Kent,
When her husband's pecker it bent,
She said with a sigh,
"Oh, why must it die?
Let's fill it with Portland Cement." 

                                        So here was this fellow from Strensall, 
                                        Whose pecker was shaped like a pencil, 
                                                      Anemic, 'tis true, 
                                                      But an interesting screw, 
                                        Inasmuch as the tip is prehensile. 

There was a young fellow named Harry, 
            Had a joint that was long, huge and scary. 
                He pressed it on a virgin 
                Who, without any urgin', 
            Immediately spread like a fairy.