A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an 
aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, 
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Just giving you an aspirin for your headache." The bloke answered.
"But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back.
"Good then, Lets fuck!" said the bloke.

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office.  Was it
true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the
doctor  had prescribed was for the rest of her life?
She was told that it was.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, 
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is.  This 
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation
"I now pronounce you man and wife".

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant? 

     Her legs. 

What's the object of a Jewish football game?

To get the quarter back!