How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?

He doesn't know when to come in

What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's
wardrobe?

When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and 
insane regulations at the department of motor vehiciles, a lady stopped at 
a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a 
baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. 
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " 
I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehical bureau. I am way past 
sane!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you 
going back there?"

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married.
I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to
wear."

The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failed
experiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was a
demagogue.
        When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evil
empire, I knew he was a dangerous kook.
        When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War by
escalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclear
annihilation.
        When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiated
its past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reagan
had nothing to do with it.
        Because if that fool Reagan was right all along...
        ...what kind of fool am I?
        --Jules Feiffer