The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a
hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who
pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my
change?" asks the Zen Master. 

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of 
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with 
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"

One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always 
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size 
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The 
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all 
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI 
THERE LADIES!

   Teaching
   The teacher had given the class an assignment.
   He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no
   excuses will be
   accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the
   immediate family (with a
   note from that member).
   A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion,
   sir?"
   The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
   responds with:
   "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
   

    A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3
   ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the
   hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty
   good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed
   the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted
   his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and
   said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington
   state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly
   showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took
   a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it
   out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an
   Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an
   Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted
   the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do
   you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time
   more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The
   warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to
   the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the
   hell are you from?" The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said
   "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' 

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good.' 

The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. 

The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'